Although I’ve never met you, you hold a place very close within my heart. It’s taken me months to realize that it’s okay to be angry with you, but also to cherish you at the same time.
Sixteen years ago you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl; that by the amazing grace of this universe, ended up in my life, home, and arms. I always wonder what kind of woman you were, what you were like, if you loved animals the way my daughter does, if she got her amazing chocolate drop eyes from you, and if you were strong like she is.
It’s been hard sitting by her, when she cries and misses you, it’s hard to see her hurting. However, it’s amazing to see the love my daughter still has for you.. and I’m truly thankful and happy she does. You are apart of her life line. You supported her with oxygen and the nutrients she needed to grow within you for nine months. You felt the kicks and movements she created in your tummy, you felt the pain of labor and delivery. You felt the joy when my daughter took her first breath in this crazy world, and I admire you for that.
When I first met my daughter, I didn’t know she would be the biggest inspiration in my life and the only thing my world would end up revolving around. She was snappy, afraid, angry, and probably many more things… so needless to say… we didn’t exactly mesh well. The first day she called me Mom we were in a room at the group home I worked at. My eyes filled up with tears and I instantly wanted to just save her from every single thing she was feeling. Time passed, and I left the group home for a different job and my daughter met a family. We parted ways, but were brought back together by god himself I believe. The second time she called me Momma was about 3 months after moving in with me.
I don’t know every detail. I don’t know every word that was said. I know bits and pieces of past memories and emotions. It’s hard to know those little things, but I’m thankful that I’m able to do so. I know life is hard, and that sooner or later you will look back on these recent years and feel hurt or sadness on missing out on my daughters life… one thing I can promise you though, is she will always have a home. She will always be fed. She will never have to go without or wonder where she will be moving to next. She will remained loved and wanted by her mom and I. We will push her to succeed and thrive in this world. If you ever question if she will go down dark paths… please know, she won’t. She’s moving mountains already. She’s made this earth her canvas and she won’t stop painting until she’s left her mark.
Watercolors and oil paints can tend to be a little messy sometimes… such as life. I hope you always know though… that no matter what challenges may arise or what darkness may fall, we are thankful and beyond honored to be the parents of our daughter.
To the mother our our daughter, thank you.