the parent I am.


As most of my close friends know, my fiance Marisa and myself are getting certified to be foster parents so we can adopt our daughter. With that being said, it is a very lengthily process that can make or break you. We have had a few different interviews now, each one had been filled with so many questions.
The questions can be about anything. The type of people we are, what abuse did we face as children, if we faced any at all, how our families were, how our parents were, and sometimes super awkward vulgar questions that sort of make you freeze… but there’s no need to go into details on those. Any way,each interview has targeted different emotions and thought processes, and have also been very educational. All though ALOT of the questions stick with me and stay on my mind….. a particular one has not left.

These interviews have taught me things about my family that I never knew before… granted I know where I’m from and the type of parents I had, I guess I never really understood how their decisions…. or lack of, could affect me. I was so use to taking care of myself, that I never really had to time to question why my parents were the way they were, and why major parenting skills were completely neglected by them. None of it actually clocked in my brain up until recently…

“After coming from the childhood and home that you did, and after how you were raised and the trials you faced, what did it teach you about parenting? What kind of parent can and will you be?”

I just want to be the parent they weren’t.

I want to be caring.

I want to be understanding…

but more importantly I will love them unconditionally regardless of their sexuality or the way they style their hair.

I will love all of their flaws.

I will teach my child the embrace the flaws that they do have, because it makes them unique.

I will fight for them.

I will protect them.

Although, I may hurt their feelings at some point… I will never hurt them so bad that the damage and words I’ve said to them will be carried through out their entire life.

I will never abandon them.

I just want to be a good mom, and I want to be the parent that their child will hold close to their heart…. not the parent that breaks it.

I want my child to be focused on her education, and her beautiful life… not the words that others through out at her in the hallways at school.

I want my daughter to see that her beauty is not measured by the weight that is shown on the scale. It’s not the brands of make up on her skin, or the look of her clothing. It’s not about boys or whoever telling her she is beautiful. I want to be the mom that shows her child she is beautiful within, I want to be the mom that teaches her daughter to love herself from within

I never want my daughter to have to question her self, as the result of bad parenting. I never want her to feel as though she isn’t good enough, smart enough or capable of doing whatever her beautiful little heart desires.

I look at our little girl, who isn’t so little and question how a parent could ever be anything but great to her.I see my entire life being devoted to this awesome human, that I didn’t carry for nine months. I see my daughter getting ready for school dances, I see her needing her “family hugs” from her mom and momma. I see this child becoming anything that she dreams of, and that alone makes me want to be the best mom and ro-model that I can be.

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