Dear ex best friend.

IMG_7457I think of you often.  I use to spend everyday talking to you, and now it’s been months. Sometimes it breaks my heart to see our memories pop up on my Facebook page,  but then I realize how lucky I was to once have a friendship so meaningful. Those twelve years went by so fast, and you were apart of so much… especially towards the end of our sisterhood.

I realize that as time moves forward, we are growing into different women. We both have homes that need ran, families to take care of, partners that need us, dogs that are like children, and jobs that are demanding. Although I’m bitter that we’ve grown apart, I look back from the sidelines and I realize how proud I am of you for kicking ass and working so hard.

I’ll be forever grateful for those times we watched rupaul drag race in Florida.  You didn’t know then how much that small time together meant to me. For months I was alone grieving and trying to heal, and finally I had someone to laugh with, and someone to see me in my depression. It didn’t matter what I looked like, or how I felt… there was laughter in the room and whattaburger in our hands and for that moment in time, I found my happiness again. You helped me remember what it was like to laugh again, and I’ll remember that until the end of my days.

I’ll never forget the moment I wanted to move out of grand junction, and to the beach. We went house hunting, and I thought at one point in time we both wanted puke at the sight of some of the houses we went into.  We laughed, we screamed at the sight of giant ass spiders, and we cried in the car when I finally broke down. I’m sorry I let you down. I know you were looking forward to me moving out there, I swear I was too.  I’m sorry I possibly broke your heart by returning to junction and staying here. You did so much to help me find a home, and to help me find a realtor, and so on.  Please know, it’s not your fault.  You did nothing wrong for me to change my mind. I had some healing to do, and life had my soulmate waiting for me here even though I didn’t know it.

I miss our phone conversations, and our video chats. I miss the snap chats we would send each other of the dogs. I miss laughing at nothing, and I miss the memes we would send each other about slothes. I miss the encouragement we would provide each other without even realizing we were doing so.

Ill always love you as if you were my family.  I’ll always cheer you on from the sidelines whether you can hear me or not. Maybe some day we can grow back together the same way we grew apart. Please always know these few things…. YOU are beautiful. YOU are enough. YOU are appreciated. YOU deserve the best. I hope you always think back to these simple things when you find yourself under the weather.

As always, thank you.


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